Land

In 2017, I bought five acres of land in Antelope Valley (about an hour north of LA) for $2000. I named it Land.

A lot of people have asked me why I did this, and very few of them have been satisfied with my answer: I bought the land as a bit. I thought it would be funny to call Los Angeles area realtors looking to buy worthless land in the desert, so I did it. Also, since I’ll never be able to afford a home in California, this felt like my best shot at being able to call myself a landowner.

There’s no water or power on Land, the temperatures regularly surpass 110 degrees, the wind blows 60mph, and trying to build something useful there would be incredibly foolish. This is because of the copper bandits. They ride dirt bikes around the desert looking for copper - and anything else of any value - to steal. So far, they’ve stolen my pith helmet, my camping supplies, my pickaxe, my plastic logs, a ceramic penis monster statue, a mannequin torso, and ten doorknobs from some doors I brought out in an attempt to build a door-decagon. They have yet to steal my dome, but that is because it is very large. They may have burned it down, though. I haven’t been there in a while.

Land technically falls within the boundaries of Hi Vista, CA, although it’s not accessible from paved roads. Two of the closest buildings to Land are The Sanctuary Adventist Church (made famous as the wedding chapel in Kill Bill) and the Twin Suns Ranch (a Tatooine-esque outpost for Star Wars cosplay and also WWI trench warfare reenactments). The closest populated area is Lake Los Angeles, where there are no bodies of water to speak of. It’s a weird place.

Technically, I co-own the land with my friend Ava Tramer, but she is a silent partner. I think she regularly forgets we co-own the land except for once a year when I ask her to pay half of the $97 property tax bill.

If you’d like to visit, the link below will take you to the GPS coordinates for Land. Do whatever you want there, lord know the copper bandits already do.